One Americans Marriage disaster
The story of an American marriage disaster.
I wanted to include an excerpt of an e-book I bought from an American that wants to help other foreigners get educated and avoid the disaster he went through. Luckily he was not destroyed over it. However if you read his book you will see he was definately emotionally devistated and he wasted alot of time, money and effort trying to please a woman who had no understanding of comprimise. His e-book is a mere $5 USD now and I suggest buying it before the price goes up to closer to what I know its worth. Here is just one small part of his story.
Another major frustration was that every time that I couldn¹t answer her
phone calls right then or if we have a bad connection she would say it was
my fault. If I tell her I did not hear the phone or I was out of cell range
or its just the phone company¹s fault she would call me a liar. Over and
over. It was maddening. She only understands her point of view. She
contemplates no reality but her own.
Many times we have talks that lasted for hours on end. I would do my best to
patiently listen to her. I had sat on the couch being sandblasted by her
repeating over and over all the things I don¹t do right. I don¹t kiss her
long enough, or I don¹t talk to her enough, or I don¹t say and do the right
things. To me it feels like she expects me to read her mind.
When I, of course, fail to do so, she get furious with me, and in a very
ungentle way lets me know it. With an instantaneous barrage of blame and
insults and then she fully expects me to feel like suddenly doing all these
things she wants. I try to tell her that I would be willing to try and do
more of these things if she would present the things she wants in the form
of a need or something of emotional help to her. But she refuses to be nice
about what she wants. She only knows insults and guilt tactics. I have come
to learn that many women use guilt to control men in their lives in the
Even if I excused myself from the situation so as to not escalate the issue
she will follow me into the other room and continue the barrage of insults
and complaints. The longer she goes the more inflammatory she becomes. Its
like she just wants to start a big fight. I have had one friend say that she
is a rageaholic. I think her attempts at manipulating me with vocal put
downs and threats don¹t work on me and she gets enraged. Its as almost as if
she is daring me to get physical with her. She would hit me and scratch me
and throw things at me. She had destroyed several household and personal
items this way.
She was not good at problem resolution nor was she good at being
considerate. She had this torture habit of letting me go to bed and waking
me up from a dead sleep just to blurt out all the derogatory things on her
mind. She would tell me I am bad at everything. She would say that I am a
bad husband and she would keep me awake for two or three hours. I tried to
let her talk and get it off her chest. I was trying to be a good listener,
but I eventually came to realize she is not getting things off her chest,
she is commanding me to change. And she will repeat everything she has on
her mind until I comply. She was not interested in a two person exchange
involving compromise and understanding. She only wanted to demand change
from me and nothing else.
I will admit I am not perfect, plus I am a man. I know this, but I listen to
her and I make some adjustments. I try to do more things she likes, but when
she get those from me she just moves onto the next complaint. She calls it
being honest. I can respect the fact she speaks her mind. But even when I
tell her over and over that if she asked for things in a nice way she would
have a much higher chance chance of getting it. I think she is somehow used
to verbal abuse and thinks its the way to get wants she wants.