I wanted to include an excerpt of an e-book I bought from an American that wants to help other foreigners get educated and avoid the disaster he went through. Luckily he was not destroyed over it. However if you read his book you will see he was definately emotionally devistated and he wasted alot of time, money and effort trying to please a woman who had no understanding of comprimise. His e-book is a mere $5 USD now and I suggest buying it before the price goes up to closer to what I know its worth. Here is just one small part of his story.
Midnight Torture.
Another major frustration was that every time that I couldn¹t answer herphone calls right then or if we have a bad connection she would say it wasmy fault. If I tell her I did not hear the phone or I was out of cell range or its just the phone company¹s fault she would call me a liar. Over andover. It was maddening. She only understands her point of view. Shecontemplates no reality but her own.
Many times we have talks that lasted for hours on end. I would do my best topatiently listen to her. I had sat on the couch being sandblasted by herrepeating over and over all the things I don¹t do right. I don¹t kiss herlong enough, or I don¹t talk to her enough, or I don¹t say and do the rightthings. To me it feels like she expects me to read her mind.
When I, of course, fail to do so, she get furious with me, and in a veryungentle way lets me know it. With an instantaneous barrage of blame andinsults and then she fully expects me to feel like suddenly doing all thesethings she wants. I try to tell her that I would be willing to try and domore of these things if she would present the things she wants in the formof a need or something of emotional help to her. But she refuses to be niceabout what she wants. She only knows insults and guilt tactics. I have cometo learn that many women use guilt to control men in their lives in theFilipino culture.
Even if I excused myself from the situation so as to not escalate the issueshe will follow me into the other room and continue the barrage of insultsand complaints. The longer she goes the more inflammatory she becomes. Itslike she just wants to start a big fight. I have had one friend say that sheis a rageaholic. I think her attempts at manipulating me with vocal putdowns and threats don¹t work on me and she gets enraged. Its as almost as ifshe is daring me to get physical with her. She would hit me and scratch meand throw things at me. She had destroyed several household and personalitems this way.
She was not good at problem resolution nor was she good at beingconsiderate. She had this torture habit of letting me go to bed and wakingme up from a dead sleep just to blurt out all the derogatory things on hermind. She would tell me I am bad at everything. She would say that I am abad husband and she would keep me awake for two or three hours. I tried tolet her talk and get it off her chest. I was trying to be a good listener,but I eventually came to realize she is not getting things off her chest,she is commanding me to change. And she will repeat everything she has onher mind until I comply. She was not interested in a two person exchangeinvolving compromise and understanding. She only wanted to demand changefrom me and nothing else.
I will admit I am not perfect, plus I am a man. I know this, but I listen toher and I make some adjustments. I try to do more things she likes, but whenshe get those from me she just moves onto the next complaint. She calls itbeing honest. I can respect the fact she speaks her mind. But even when Itell her over and over that if she asked for things in a nice way she wouldhave a much higher chance chance of getting it. I think she is somehow usedto verbal abuse and thinks its the way to get wants she wants.
